Part II – Ten Additional Phrases That May Not Help You in Your Job Interview

1-      Why do I want to work for this company? Because you put an ad out there you fucking moron!

2-      Did you say ARPU? Is that before or after shampoo?

3-      What do you mean there are gaps in my resume? Let’s spill water on it and see if it will leak through it, jerk!

4-      Sure hell I can manage the P&L, who says no to Pussies and Lesbians all day long, booyaa!

5-      Explain the term Opportunity Cost? It must be the cost of dinner to get the opportunity for a one-night-stand with the bitch, right?

6-      When you say Joint Venture you mean I can smoke my joints here without venturing out to the parking lot, right?

7-      Market Segmentation is a piece of cake. You have the haves and the have-nots, what else is there?

8-      Protecting the Brand from what? Are there Brand rapists out there?

9-      Yeah, I’ve heard of intellectual property copyright protection before. I wear protection, sometimes.

10-   Yes, I do have a question for you: What is your policy on Freudian slips?

Ten Phrases That May Not Help You in Your Job Interview

1- For me, personally, the position I like most is doggy-style.

2- I’m good with pressure – I don’t need to kick ’em tires to figure they need air.

3- Sitting for long hours causes itchy butt, and that causes smelly fingers for some.

4- Expected salary would be the highest, what else?

5- Past experience is done and over with, am clean and sober now.

6- Can’t wait that long, my parole officer is waiting for me.

7- Tie and shirt, everyday? Are clip-on ties OK? I’ve seen ’em at K-mart.

8- I’ve been Single, Married and Divorced, which box should I fill?

9- Software? that’s for sissies, am a hardware kinda of a guy.

10- Can’t have you call my previous boss, he was an asshole and I kinda hit him with a 2×4 and he held a grudge against me since then.